Area Freemasons In Abusive Relationship With Building

Area Freemasons In Abusive Relationship With Building

by Satire Correspondent Lou Minati

Another day, another problem. Today a burst pipe, yesterday a broken HVAC system. These are the problems that face many older buildings. But when is enough enough?

“Where are we going to go? Building a new building would cost us $5 million dollars” stated in-denial chairman Charles Gibble. “This building suits our needs just fine.”

Members are skeptical stating that the current building is not meeting their needs of 2018 Freemasonry. Local rabble-rouser Wayne Kerr stated, “This isn’t 1965 and we’ll never have 1965 membership numbers. 95% of the time this building is too big. We have an auditorium that seats hundreds but we only fill up three rows of seats. However, if we were to actually have say 100 plus visitors there isn’t any parking. Most of our members are seniors that don’t want to park a block away or on the 3rd floor of a parking garage nearby.”

Kerr sighs, takes a deep breath and continues, “We try new ideas to make use of the facility. We’d love to have other groups come in or to have a place for the younger men to hang out but there are too many restrictions and always a reason why we can’t do that.”

Meanwhile building chairman reassures the membership, “Let’s give it a fresh coat of paint, that’ll fix everything.”

Noted property psychologist Roland D’hay points to some common signs that you are in an abusive relationship with a building:

Not on my watch. Stewards of buildings do not want to be remembered as the the one who gave up the ship so choose instead to “ride it out” and kick the can further down the road to their successors.

The Glory Days. Remembering the good times when there were 5000 men contributing dues and time to the building instead of accepting reality. Freemasonry is smaller now and maintaining a large building in hopes that someday it’ll grow huge again is, well, stupid.

The cycle of abuse: After every abusive incident comes a make-up honeymoon phase. An example would be after spending $15,000 to replace a broken HVAC system you discuss beautifying the lodge to make it available for years to come, instead of finding a smaller building. 

Fraternal society normalized unhealthy relationships so people do not understand they are in a abusive property relationship. “The Elks and Moose still have their buildings!”

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